She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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