I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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