a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
