Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
