somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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