Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
