The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
