I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
