im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
