Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
