you would pick up someone in the library
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize