She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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