He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize