it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
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