you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can I color on your dick again?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
