Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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