Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize