i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
