I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
