So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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