I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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