if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
