Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
