I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
