I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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