I puked a lego.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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