a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
