Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
