How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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