I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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