Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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