I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
