He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
