wanna go halves on a baby?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
