so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
