I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My balls are so social today.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
