She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
