I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
