I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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