Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
