i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
