If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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