does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
