So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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