I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize