Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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