so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
