woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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