I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
