Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
