Got a toothbrush?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
third nipple confirmed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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