Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I did not marry a roomba.
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