As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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