how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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