I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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