When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
