insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
