I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
