I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
