I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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