Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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