is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
