Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
