Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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