we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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