my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
