I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
