pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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