I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
