Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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