Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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