I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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