I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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