Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
