hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
