never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
