I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
