I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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