i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
