i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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