I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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