Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
