I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
