Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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