It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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