we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
