i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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