My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize