I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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