My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
