My sheets look like a crime scene.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
