Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize