the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize