There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
