My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
