Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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