OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
