So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
