We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
