his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
