New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's get the cat blown out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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