Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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