When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
