Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
