.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
