i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
